Whether you’re a parent, older sibling, teacher, coach, family friend, or mentor, chances are there’s at least one teenager in your life you care deeply about. No matter what your role is, you’ve probably wondered at some point: Do they trust me? How do they really feel about our relationship? What can I do to better connect with them?
If questions like these have crossed your mind, you’re not alone—and you’re likely already on the right track. You might think about being the kind of adult you needed when you were a teen, and sometimes that can come with pressure to be perfect. But being a trusted adult isn’t about getting it all right. It’s about showing up with curiosity, respect, honesty, warmth, and consistency.
What is a Trusted Adult?
A trusted adult is any adult in a young person’s life that they feel safe coming to when they need help or support. Trusted adults are people who your teen can rely on to create space for vulnerability, growth, and connection. This could mean they feel listened to, valued, and respected.
Trust isn’t built in one conversation. It’s grown through patterns of care. Learn more about the TrustEd Adult Principles here.
Why Trusted Adults Matter
Adolescence is a time of major change – socially, emotionally, and neurologically. Teens are experiencing many “firsts,” and having access to trusted adults helps them navigate these moments with more confidence and security. Supportive relationships don’t just feel good—they’re vital to a teen’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. They help teens feel connected, capable, and grounded during this critical stage of development.
When teens don’t have trusted adults to turn to, they may feel alone or misunderstood. That sense of disconnection can increase their risk of turning to unhealthy coping strategies like vaping – not necessarily out of rebellion, but to manage emotional pain or regain a sense of control. Trusted adults help teens see that they don’t have to face challenges alone, and that healthier options exist for managing stress, emotions, and decision-making.
Teens also learn by watching. Your behavior becomes a model for how they approach their own relationships. The way you communicate, manage conflict, handle stress, and show care becomes a living example they’ll carry forward – protecting them against unhealthy peer influences and shaping how they relate to themselves and others.
A Teen’s Brain and Emotional Life
During adolescence, the brain is undergoing massive transformation. The limbic system – responsible for emotions – is fully active, while the prefrontal cortex – which helps with planning, decision-making, and impulse control – is still developing. This means teens feel things deeply but may struggle to regulate those feelings or think through long-term consequences.
This emotional intensity isn’t a flaw. In fact, it’s part of what makes this stage of life so powerful. Feeling deeply helps teens form strong connections, advocate for causes they believe in, and imagine new possibilities. But it also means that when things feel overwhelming or unfair, teens may shut down, lash out, or fall into patterns that don’t serve them in the long run—not because they’re trying to be difficult, but because they’re still learning how to cope.
That’s where you come in. As a trusted adult, you have the power to help shape how your teen learns to manage emotions, face challenges, and understand themselves. Your support helps build their brain’s capacity for resilience, regulation, and connection.
Trust as a Foundation for Mental Well-being
When teens feel truly seen and heard, they’re more likely to talk about what’s really going on, whether it’s school stress, friendship drama, identity questions, or pressure they feel online. On the flip side, when they feel dismissed or judged, they may turn inward or rely on peers who may not have the tools to support them safely.
Trusted adult relationships also help buffer the effects of stress that can contribute to anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. Teens who feel connected to at least one trusted adult are less likely to engage in risky behavior and more likely to thrive, even in challenging environments. And it’s not just about preventing harm – it’s also about promoting joy, curiosity, and self-discovery.
When teens feel emotionally safe and accepted, they’re more likely to take healthy risks, explore who they are, and stay open to learning. This sense of safety supports not only mental wellness but the development of self-worth, identity, and belonging.
And remember: this isn’t just about big conversations or mental health crises. Trust is built in everyday moments – during a car ride, cooking dinner, watching a show, or talking after practice. These small interactions, when filled with warmth and attention, slowly build the foundation of a relationship your teen can rely on.
Here’s what you can do right now:
- Ask, then really listen. “How are you, really?” isn’t just a question—it’s an invitation. You don’t need all the right answers. Being emotionally available, curious, and nonjudgmental can be powerful
- Be honest and direct. Teens value transparency. If something’s hard to talk about, say so. If you mess up, apologize. That kind of vulnerability earns their trust more than perfection ever could
- Respect their autonomy. Give them space to make choices and learn from mistakes. Step in with support, not control. This shows them that you believe in their capacity to grow.
- Support their coping toolbox. Help them build a go-to list of healthy ways to address problems like talking things out with a trusted adult, going for a walk, spending time with friends, listening to music, or journaling. Make sure the list is based on their interests, strengths, and choices. For example, asking questions like “What activities and people usually help you feel better?” can be a starting point to helping them keep track of what works for them
- Celebrate who they are. Whether it’s their music taste, their willingness to stand up for what they believe in, or their humor – let them know you love who they are.
At the end of the day, being a trusted adult isn’t about doing everything perfectly. It’s about saying, “I’m here. I care. And I’m not going anywhere, especially when you make mistakes.” When you show up like that—repeatedly—it tells your teen, you don’t have to carry this alone.
This blog is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical or mental health advice. If you have concerns about your child’s health or well-being, please consult a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.
