What does the adolescent brain have to do with relationships?
Adolescence is a time of extraordinary brain growth, and the relationships young people have during this period shape that growth in significant ways. Young people need adults who understand what they’re going through and show up with curiosity, consistency, and care. When adults are tuned in and supportive, they help wire the brain for resilience, connection, and lifelong wellbeing.
The brain changes more dramatically during adolescence than at any other time in a person’s life. And here’s the kicker—the relationships and environment young people experience during this time literally shape how their brain develops.
Think of it this way: a teenager’s limbic system (the brain’s reward center) is fully online and cranked up to eleven. This is why they feel everything so intensely—music hits harder, friendships feel more important, and yes, risky things feel really good.
Meanwhile, their prefrontal cortex—the part that handles planning, seeing consequences, and regulating emotions—is still developing. It’s like having a sports car engine but with bicycle brakes.
When young people have access to adults who understand all the strengths of their brains – and also know how to support those parts of their brains that are still developing – they are better set up for success.
Research from UCLA shows that adolescence is a critical window with specific developmental needs. Meeting these needs isn’t just nice to have—it’s essential for healthy development. Here’s what we know:
- Young people need opportunities to explore and take risks. That drive to try new things isn’t reckless—it’s how they learn, discover who they are, and prepare to leave home eventually. The key is creating opportunities for healthy risk-taking, not shutting down their natural curiosity.
- Young people need to contribute and find purpose. Teenagers are developmentally primed to make meaningful contributions to their communities. When they can help others and see the impact of their actions, it builds their sense of purpose—which research links to better emotional wellbeing, academic success, and resilience.
- Young people are learning decision-making and emotional regulation in real time. These are skills that require practice, and yes, that means they’ll make mistakes. Instead of removing all opportunities to practice, create safe spaces where they can learn from those mistakes.
- Young people are forming their identity and values. Adolescents become sensitive to social feedback as they figure out who they are and what they believe, and adult can help them by affirming the identities young people are expressing. This can help to counteract the harmful effect of discrimination, racism, or bias that can send the message to young people that they are less-than or unworthy.
Teenagers are hardwired to be aware of social status and respect. They’re constantly scanning for signs of whether adults see them as capable and worthy of autonomy. This isn’t vanity—it’s biology.
When we use language that dismisses them (“You’re too young to understand,” “You’re being dramatic,” “Wait until you’re in the real world”), we’re not only being eye-roll worthy, we’re actually triggering their threat detection system and making it harder for them to trust us.
Young people are also attuned to power dynamics and discrimination. They notice when adults have lower expectations for certain groups of students, when they’re tokenized for their identities, or when they’re asked for input but then ignored. They see it all, and it shapes how they decide whether you’re trustworthy.
Here’s what some adults get wrong: they think teenagers becoming more independent means adults matter less. Actually, the opposite is true. Research is crystal clear that having at least one trusted adult is a game-changer for young people.
During this time of massive change—physical, emotional, social—you can offer stability. You can lend your fully-developed prefrontal cortex to help them think through problems. You can model what healthy relationships and communication look like.
You can also help them make sense of their experiences, especially when they face discrimination or bias. You can validate their observations about unfairness in the world while helping them develop strategies to navigate it. You can provide opportunities for them to contribute meaningfully and reflect on the impact they’re making.
The teenage years aren’t something to survive; they’re a critical window of opportunity. Adolescents are biologically primed for certain types of learning and growth during this period. And the relationships you build, the opportunities you create, and the respect you show? They have the power to literally reshape a developing brain in ways that last a lifetime. Check out our TrustEd Adult Principles to learn more about how you can support this.
